Nigeria - Must - Go

“Oga Udoma, Why have you been celebrating these past days, abi you don win lottery or has any of your relatives been appointed into any government position?”

“Ah Timothy, where have you been? You never hear the news?”

“Which news again? That the Nigerian labour Congress (NLC) and the Trade Union Congress (TUC) have called off the four-day strike?

“You really surprise me Timothy. Is it only Nigerian affairs that concern you?”

“What else should concern me? Have you not heard that a man whose house is on fire does not leave putting off the fire to pursue rats?”

“Anyway, I have concluded plans to join my cousins in Ghana”

“Ghana? Wetin dey happen for Ghana?”

“I am relocating finally. My cousins have asked me to join them as soon as possible before it is too late. Very soon the mad rush will begin”

“Before what becomes too late? Oga Udoma, what exactly are you talking about? Are you now one of those people that travel to neighbouring African countries to live in the name of going abroad?”

“Make you dey there now. Just wait, very soon, you will take visa to come and visit me in Ghana”

“Take which visa? Ghana ko, Ghana ni. What will you tell me next? That Ghanaians will soon start ‘bouncing’ Nigerians at their embassy in Lagos?”

“I am really sorry for you Timothy, you can not see beyond your doorstep. Are you the only one who has not heard that huge oil deposits, one of the biggest in Africa have been discovered in the western part of Ghana?

“You Nigerians are funny, so because oil has been discovered in Ghana, that is why you are rejoicing and getting ready to go to another man’s country, is it not the same oil that is drilled everywhere in Nigeria?”

“Timothy, you be real mugu. So despite all your night school, you still have not realised that the oil in Nigeria is not for Nigerians, there are people who own it”

“Ah, Oga Udoma, which one now? Person dey own oil? The oil in Nigeria belongs to all Nigerians”

“Is that what they told you? Please just leave me alone this morning to carry on with my packing. Na ignorance na him go kill you”

“So make I ask, who are these people that own our oil Oga Udoma?”

“I beg you this boy, just leave me alone this morning. Na for my mouth you want to hear it abi? The time Obasanjo was selling our refineries to Blue Star; did you not hear it in the news?

“Which one is Blue Star again?”

“So all these beer parlour you visit every night, what do you people talk about there? Maybe you should start coming to Mama Eliza’s place if you want to know what is happening in this our country”

“But you still have not answered my question, who abi wetin be Blue Star?”

“Don’t ask me, go and ask Femi Otedola and Aliko Dangote, next you would ask me who Chrome Oil is. If you want to know, go and ask your brother Emeka Offor”.

“Na which news you dey listen to self? Where do you get all these information?”

“Na Radio OBJ and Radio Kuffour idey listen to. I have told you what is on in Ghana”

“Ah but me self I dey hear news too. No be only you know wetin dey happen”

“What do you know? One day they would sell the pant covering that your nyashless backside and you would not know”

“I heard that Olusegun Obasanjo has bought a private jet worth $36 million. They said he registered it in the name of MRS, a company owned by Alhaji Aliko Dangote and Sayyu Dantata”

“That na old news now”

“How can it be old news when he used the plane to travel to the West Indies last week while Nigerians were suffering the effects of the labour strike?

“That Obasanjo self na wa for am. I also heard that that during his brief stint at the Anambra state government house as Governor, Andy Uba, his former Senior Special Assistant declared his personal asset to be worth more than $8 billion”

“Ah Oga Udoma, e don do I beg. If Andy sees that kind of money, will he not faint? Please don’t spoil my appetite this morning with all these Radio – without - battery news. So when are you leaving for Ghana?”

“I am leaving this weekend”

“Ok, I wish you good luck. Remember to carry extra nylon sack bags with you”.

“Why? Did I tell you that I am planning to come back anytime soon?”

“Just in case, you may find that by the time you need it, the prices in cedis would have gone up”.

“Why would I ever need it?”

“You may need it during Nigeria – Must – Go”.

“Nigeria-Must-Go, which one is that again?

“Oh, you think that Ghanaians have forgotten the way Nigerians drove them away in the 80s during our economic boom?”

“So are you saying that they would chase us away in retaliation?”

“What would you do if you were in their shoes? You know that since the incident of the eighties, there hasn’t been much love lost between Nigerians and Ghanaians”

“Stop making it sound as if we are their enemies, the world has moved on since then. I’m sure our Ghanaian brothers know the value we will bring to their economy”

“You mean the wahala we will cause their economy?”

“Na you sabi”

“But wait self Oga Udoma, where in Africa has natural resources contributed to improvement in the quality of life of the citizens? Will it not be the same thing in Ghana?”

“What do you know Timothy? President Kuffour has promised that Ghanaians will set up a committee to learn from the experiences of other African countries in the management of their oil wealth”

“So they are planning to avoid the curse of oil abi na Dutch disease?”

“Yes o”

“So have they also talked about how they plan to curb the African disease?”

“Leave me alone jare, Mr Cynic”.